What you need

A pair of hand held dumbbells along with a small assortment of weights to add to them.  This really needs to only be the sole expense and everything should be able to be purchased for under a hundred dollars, or, give or take, one month’s gym membership if you look at it that way.  Alternately, you might try your local thrift store where there is often an assortment of used weights to choose from (I was able to get everything I needed for forty dollars at one).  These dumbbells not only give great versatility in the numerous exercises that can be performed, but they take up very little room; even someone living in the famous closet-sized New York city apartment can easily stash them under their bed.

A couple props are necessary in order to perform some of the exercises.  Make sure you have a sturdy chair that can be used for seated weight lifts, such as the seated curl or military press.  Additionally, a flat bench will be needed (a picnic table bench is more than sufficient) in order to perform bench press and fly exercises.

An optional purchase could be a yoga ball.  This is not necessary, but I like it for the versatility it adds to exercises along with its ability to allow you to target muscles better.  It can be laid or sat on while doing appropriate weight exercises to give a greater workout as the full body is utilized in balancing while doing the lifts.  Also, it offers a great number of sit up or lower back work out opportunities.  A good sized yoga ball can be had for thirty to forty dollars, but again, it does not hurt to check your local thrift store first.

Bringing it all together

We just covered what you will need to get, if you don’t already have, in order to start on a home fitness regimen.  The other added aspects just require your body and room enough to stretch out.  Some of the most effective exercises are push ups, pull ups, sit ups, and dips.  Push ups and sit ups can be done on any floor surface in the home.  Pull ups and dips require a bit of creativity.  I have been able to find suitable sources in my neighborhood park to perform these: The support bars for one of the eight foot basketball hoops for pull ups, and a point on the playground where two railings are close enough together for the dips.  If you look around your yard or neighborhood park with an eye towards these exercises, you should be able to find something that will work suitably.

Venturing out to do either pull ups or dips can be coupled with the necessary, but generally unloved, cardiovascular aspect of the workout.  Running is generally the quickest and most effective way to raise the heartbeat and involve the entire body.  It can be done just about anywhere, such as around the neighborhood park for instance.  Of course biking or rollerblading, among other activities, can be just as effective and, more importantly, often more fun.  Even walking, if done often (should you live in a city and spend a lot of time traveling places on foot) is a very acceptable option.  The key is to at least spend a half hour a day moving your body via one of these means.

Scheduling your workout regimen

My recommendation is to workout four days a week (Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri, or two on, one off, two on, two off however you like).  Five days a week (Mon-Fri) is also acceptable if you want, just give your self a couple days in a row to relax between it all.

Three separate routines seem to target everything best: 1) chest and upper legs, 2) shoulders/back and lower legs, 3) arms/butt.  Do one of these routines each day and follow the given order so that there is at least two to three days between the same routine and no one is done more than twice in a week.

What each workout regimen should look like

1. Chest and upper legs
- push ups, sit ups
- flies, leg lifts
- bench press, lunges
- outside for dips, 30 min. of cardiovascular

Tip: pair two exercises of separate muscle groups together, such as push ups and sit ups.  Alternate sets of each.  This allows for a fluid workout while giving muscles time to recover from each set while the other is being performed.

2. Shoulders/back, lower legs
- military press, sit ups
- shrugs, leg lifts
- shoulder raises, calf raises
- outside for pull ups, 30 min cardiovascular

Tip: Each exercise needs only to contain three or four sets.  The amount of repetitions should be determined based on how many you can comfortably complete for each set.  If you can do 10 repetitions of an exercise for the first two sets, but only eight on the third, cut back to eight repetitions for each set.  When that becomes easy, increase each set to nine, and so forth.

3. Arms/Butt
- standing curl, sit ups
- kneeling tricep extension, back raises
- two-handed curl, squats
- overhead tricep extension, leg raises

Tip: I believe the core area (abdomen, lower back) can be worked daily as is seen by their presence in each workout group.  It is important however to do modifications on these in order not to just solely work the same spot each time.  For instance, coming only half way up on a sit up targets the lower abdominals, putting a twist into a sit up or leg lift works the obliques, etc.

Overview

Follow this workout guide from your home four to five days a week and you will be as lean and muscular as you wish to put into it.  Regimen one and two should be an hour each: half an hour of weights and exercises and half an hour of cardiovascular activitiy.  Regimen three should be a half hour of weights and exercises.  Rotating through these three plans should give you three and a half to four and a half hours a week of working out, depending on if you choose four or five days to do it in.  In the course of a week’s time, that is not asking much.  The ability to do it from your own home, on your own schedule, and with virtually no cost is all an added bonus.  Happy body sculpting!

In this day of changing mores within society, one thing is shifting which has for so long defined us as men within the family environment, our roles as Head of Household: the primary wage earner, or “Breadwinner”.  Depending on the statistics we look at, women outnumber men in college today by 52%/48% up to 60%/40% margins.  Additionally, it has been reported that women are poised to surpass men in sheer number in the workforce within the year.   The culmination of women’s educational and consequent career achievements along with the current economy, which has hit men harder, (mostly male industries like construction and manufacturing have been most negatively affected) it is increasingly causing a lot of us to redefine our place within the family.

Many of us are not financially matching our partner, who is in a successful career, and thus feel unsure at best about this new dynamic.  So much of what we base our manhood on in the family environment is fueled by the primitive urge to provide and protect.  In our modern day, money does both of these things best.  It isn’t a stretch than to link how much money we bring in and how dependent our family is on that money to how successful we feel in our role as provider.

If we are  unemployed, underemployed, or simply in a career with no real room for growth, our unifying factor, unjustly, is a feeling of shame.  The axiom after all is of the man taking care of the family.  We feel we have let our family down, we are embarrassed of how we feel we must be seen by others, and, perhaps worst of all, we feel we have failed ourselves.

Failure to launch

It is not just the married man or the man in the family environment that is affected by this, but the single man as well.  Popular culture, especially movies, play the rhetoric that there is nothing worse than a grown man living at home with his parents.  It may play for laughs, but we get the underlying message: if you want to get the girl, find happiness and live the American Dream, it will not happen unless you make it on your own.  In general, the battle to find a good career, become more and more successful in it, and stand alone on our own two feet is one that is waged from the moment we leave our teen years behind.

How to successfully adapt to our new situation: redefining being “the man” of the house

In place of feeling upset about the changing landscape of our gender role or unsure of how to make our way in this evolving world, we should be feeling elation at being released from the tight structure of our forefathers.   The reality of men’s existence for so long is an insult to all of us in that we have been reduced to such a one-dimensional aspect as the financial provider, a walking and talking checkbook, really.  How can we move beyond this label as well as restore our lost confidence?  Let’s identify three broad categories that, if we focus on them, will make us stronger and better men, partners, friends, and members of our family, along with being happier too!

1. Expand our resume within the household
   Too much of our existence has solely been to support the household monetarily.  It was and is an important role still for whomever fulfills it, but there needs to be more to us than just this one thing.  Even today, with women working just as much or more than their husbands, they still often account for a disproportionate amount of the housework and child rearing.  It seems on the surface, and certainly at the time when we are getting out of doing the dishes, to be a good deal to us.  In reality, no matter what our partner says, there is resentment because of this and it permeates our entire relationship.What we need to do is take a more active role within the house.  If you don’t know how to cook, you can learn.  Cleaning the bathroom and helping the kids with their homework should not be the domain of our partners solely.  Everything you do will be repaid several fold in the strength it will add to your relationship.

All the day to day necessities should be split depending on how much you and your partner work.  They are called our partners for a reason; we are supposed to be in on things together.  If there is not a division of labor and someone is constantly performing the same task, whether planned that way or not, it is going to breed resentment.  Assessing where needs are, what our strengths are, and taking a more active role in the day to day chores of our relationship is a simple concept.  If you take the time and initiative to get involved you and your partner will both love and respect each other much more.

2. Engage our family
   The biggest benefit of finding ourselves around the house more should be added time available to spend with the family.  If we have children, there can never be enough time to spend with them.  Whether we now have time to coach or be involved otherwise in extra-curricular activities with them, added time to help with the homework, or just opportunities to hang out, this will add immeasurably to our relationships.

Likewise with other family members and friends.  I know I can get caught up in the business of life where I can go way too long without calling or writing my relatives and friends.  If we find we have more time now, we can spend it with those that are important to us.  Our relationships in life in the end are all that matters.  Ever memory of any great moment in life is not of us alone but with family and friends; these thoughts exists because of them.

3. Define ourselves
   Perhaps most appealing to us is the chance to explore our own interests.  Freed of at least some of the burden of financial provider we can take some time to develop our hobbies or even get into a career where our enjoyment, not how much it pays, is the deciding factor.  We might decide to go back to school if that entices us and is feasible.  The point is, without the obligation to just make and bring home money we have a whole new world of possibilities and with freedom and choices comes happiness.

Instead of lamenting and fearing women’s rise in our society, we should be celebrating it.  If we are so luck as to have a partner or spouse that is in a successful career it opens up more opportunities for us.  We now have the ability to do almost anything we want rather than being pidgeon-holed as the financial head of household.  Accepting that we may not be bringing home all or even most of the bacon may be a hard adjustment, but in the end if we gain a more active role in our household, build stronger relationships, and have time to focus on our true interests, I don’t see how that can be anything other than good.

We live mostly in a stressful world, where both ourselves and our partners often work long hours, sometimes on different schedules.  Outside of weekends, if we are lucky, we probably only spend three or four exhausted hours together each night.  I think it fair to say that a majority of us spend these hours unwinding in front of the glow of some sort of screen, blissful to let our minds numb.  Whatever  it is, television, computer, or countless other personal entertainment mediums,  we probably spend more time in their company “existing” rather than actually being with our partners.  Throw children into that mix and, well, I think you can see where this is going.

Communication breakdown and boredom are two reasons that rank in the top ten for why couples end their relationships.  These are easily avoidable I feel by incorporating the following five guidelines into your every day life.

1.  Set Aside Time

This is the most important thing we need to do in order to have a healthy relationship.  It sounds nonsensical and thus would seem to go without saying, but how many of us have a designated time every day that we spend one-on-one time together with our partner with no distractions?!    These two emphasized points, talking daily without distraction, are key.  It does not need to be a huge commitment, as little as a half hour.  It can be over dinner, in bed before turning out the lights, or even just sitting together in each others company.  It cannot be while watching television or around anything else that does not allow us to focus entirely on each other.  The ability to communicate uninterrupted allows us to connect on a meaningful level, which is necessary in order to maintain and strengthen our relationship.

2.  Ask Questions

This is as simple as it sounds.  We need to ask each other pointed questions in our conversations.  “How was your day” is a good start, though generic.  Better is “How did your meeting go with the corporate sponsor” or “What did you think about your bosses reaction to your idea”?  This technique is important to utilize in all aspects of our life, not just with our partners.  Asking pointed questions are great ways to engage people, show them you are interested in what they are doing, makes them feel good that you are showing interest and, as a result, makes people more apt to open up and spark conversation.

3. Listen

The most under appreciated but necessary aspect in a relationship, and again in life in general, is to be able to listen.  Listening is not just hearing what your partner is saying, it is giving them your undivided attention while they are speaking, not glazing over, thinking about something else or what you are going to say next.  It is giving them the opportunity to completely state their thought without interruption.

Who among us hasn’t had the experience of being in the middle of a story, only to realize that the person we are talking to is not at all paying attention to us?  It is a deflating moment as we recognize that what may have been of important to us is not of interest to them.  Any lack of attention we may perceive from somebody we are talking to is going to discourage us from sharing anything further on the topic we are on.

Good listening leads to good conversations.  If we do not truly hear, process, and react to what is said to us, then it is difficult to have a dialogue.  We all have had incidents of people just “talking at us”, where no matter what we say they steer the “conversation” back to themselves or their agenda.  This is a universally unenjoyable experience, the polar opposite of what we want in a relationship, and something that should easily be avoided by utilizing good listening practices.

4.  Go On A Weekly Date

This doesn’t need to be as extravagant as the word date has the tendency to make it sound.  What it really entails is just getting out of the house. Being out somewhere frees you of the distractions talked about earlier that exist in our day to day home life.  It is an opportunity to do something fun together and should be a platform to utilize all of the other four steps in this article.

Taking our partner out on a date also makes them feel important.  It tells them we want to do something nice for them, we want time alone where we can focus solely on them.  If we have children that need a babysitter or other obligations that need to be dealt with in order for us to be able to schedule some time alone together, make the necessary arrangements.  This likewise emphasizes the point of making our partner and our time alone together feel important.

Pick a day out of the week for this date to occur and try to always stay with the same day .  This way it will become part of your normal routine, making it easier to plan around and more likely that you will always follow through on it.  Also, it will give you both something to look forward to each week as the day approaches.

5.  Be Spontaneous

Interpret this as you will into every aspect of your relationship.  The lack of this is the reason people get bored together.  As mentioned, we tend to take each other for granted far too often once we have settled into a long term relationship.  Doing things that aren’t expected: sending your partner flowers at work, surprising them with a weekend trip out of town, bringing them breakfast in bed, are examples.  Basically, treat them like we did when we first started dating!  I’m suggesting doing something on this order once a month on average will keep the relationship fresh and fun.  It will make your partner feel special, letting them know you are interested in them and invested in making them happy.

None of this is difficult or even time consuming.  It also does not need to be much of an expense either assuming you apply yourself creatively.  I believe being conscientious of the 5 categories discussed above - that’s it, just diligently thinking about them in your day to day interactions - will help you implement them as a result.  It will also over time become a natural habit and make you into a stronger and more involved individual within your relationship.

Meanwhile, if we were to look at a breakdown of causes of death among men, we would see a similar scenario with prostate cancer replacing breast cancer near the bottom of the top ten causes.  The estimated number of cases of prostate cancer diagnosed in 2008, according to the American Cancer Society, was 186, 320, slightly above the cases of breast cancer: 184, 450.  Since these two types of cancer are fairly even in their numbers affected, and one relates distinctly to women while the other is a men’s issue, why does the focus seem to be so much more on breast cancer?

To answer this, we first should look at the cancer that far and away is the most diagnosed and fatal: lung cancer.  At an estimated 161, 840  deaths in 2008, lung cancer claimed more than three times the number of lives than any other single cancer.  The reason we never hear much about this is that lung cancer is mostly preventable.  Smoking is the number one contributor to it, along with air pollution.  Thus, we see it as the result of lifestyle choices, which does not generate much sympathy and does not garner a lot of attention for it as a result.

Breast cancer on the other hand…need I say anything?  As it attacks what physically is distinctly women’s most definable part, it is not hard to see why the cause has garnered such a following.  What man among us has not donated either money or time to fund raising for breast cancer, either out of respect for the cause or at the request of family or friends?

Why prostate cancer does not receive the attention it should.

Prostate cancer is not so blessed with as glamorous an image as breast cancer.  How many of us for that matter even understand in entirety the function of the prostate?    I have to admit that while I knew its function in the reproductive tract, until I looked it up I did not know all the specifics.  I will leave it to you to explore more as we don’t need to go in depth or cause anybody to blush.  We are probably most familiar with the prostate as a problem in older men, when this donut shaped organ (fund raising ideas, anyone?) enlarges and causes urination problems.  While the prostate enjoys a degree of ambiguity, which is one cause of the issue not receiving the attention it should, problems and corrective actions can cause urinary and sexual dysfunction as well as death;  All subjects that should grab our attention.

Another  reason prostate cancer does not receive as much publicity is due to its non-aggressive nature.  It is one of the slowest growing cancers.  While it is the second most diagnosed cancer behind lung cancer, it is down at number five among most cancer fatalities in 2008 at 28, 660.  Still very significant, but with many men living for years with it, it does not seem nearly as sinister as many other cancers.

Prostate cancer currently lacks clear motives for dealing with it.

This brings up and leads into the point of this whole article.  The reason so many men live for years with prostate cancer is because it is so poorly understood!  Testing for it and catching it early is difficult.  In fact, a quote from the American Cancer Society’s website on early detection sums it up best:  “At this time, there are insufficient data to recommend for or against prostate cancer testing in men…”  Treatments at present can cause the aforementioned urinary and sexual side effects.  It is for these reasons and due to its slow growing nature that it is even being recommended in older men who have been diagnosed that nothing be done.

What we are looking at basically is a disease that needs a lot of study in order to better understand it and hopefully bring it better under control.  So is it receiving that?  Yes, there are a lot of studies and funding going towards prostate cancer, but breast cancer for years has been receiving more than twice as much for research, and it has been paying off.  A statement from The American Cancer Society:  “Death rates from breast cancer have steadily decreased in women since 1990, with larger decreases in women younger than 50 (a decrease of 3.3% per year) than in those 50 and older (2.0% per year).  The decrease in breast cancer death rates represents progress in both earlier detection and improved treatment.” I think we can logically conclude this is a result of breakthroughs brought on by research.

As can be seen, the number spent on breast cancer when compared to any other type is staggering.  While valid points have been raised as to why prostate doesn’t receive the attention that breast cancer does, we as men need to bite the bullet and put the bulk of the blame on where it mostly belongs:  squarely on us.

The main reason so much more money goes into researching Breast Cancer than Prostate Cancer.

Women are simply far more active than us in advocating for the issue.  They are donating money, they are arranging fund raisers, they are talking about the issue and they are marketing it.  Women have made the color pink ubiquitous with breast cancer.  Through ribbons, shirts, hats, commercials, organizations, we see the issue on television and on vehicle bumpers.  As a whole, women need to be deeply commended for the attention and resulting advances they have brought as a result to their cause.

In the meantime, when have you received an email from a fellow man organizing a Relay for Life cancer event?  Our apathy is ours solely to own.  While our prostate isn’t as marketable as the breast, 1 in 6 of us will get prostate cancer in our lifetime.  Moreover in the 31-40 age group, 1 in 12 of us will suffer from an enlarged prostate and 1 in 2 of us in the 51-60 group.  Shouldn’t we be motivated to raise money for research to better understand something that will most likely affect us at some point and something that is one of the top ten causes of fatalities in men?  Let’s start the ball rolling by visiting: www.prostatecancerfoundation.org where you can find out more information and DONATE!  Also, why not organize an event so we can begin to spearhead this issue together.

The problem I have is not with college, but with the foregone conclusion that has been reached in the last couple of decades that it is the only logical path to success after the high school years.  The choice not to continue on with education today means you will be written off and esentially ostrisized by greater society.

The tragedy of this way of thinking is that those of us in skilled labor trades: mechanics, carpenters, plumbers, electricians, machinists, landscapers (had to throw that in as it is my profession) find ourselves no longer revered, but looked down upon and even pitied.  If you are a blue collar worker, you are often working for the doctors, the lawyers, the business people.  This relationship and the manual labor part of it is undoubtedly what gives it this stigma; the American Dream is to be able to afford not to have to do any hands on work.

In reality, these blue collar trades are referred to as skilled labor for a reason: they require years of work to perfect.  While they may not realize the wages of some highly schooled professionals, they can make good livings and are essentially recession proof.  In fact, I would argue, the number of people going to university instead of entering these occupations will only make their demand go up.  What is easier to find in your suburban neighborhood, an accountant, or somebody who can fix the wiring in your house?

The Cost of College

It is difficult to find real statistics on how many high school graduates go on to college, but the number is high, between 70-80% on average.  Let’s look at the cost of a college education, and I am going to be conservative in going with the average public university costs; private universities cost on average almost three times more.

According to the U.S. Department of Education, the average cost of a public universitiy’s tuition for one year, with room and board factored in, for the year 2005-2006 (latest year statistics were available) was $10,454.  It should also be noted this number I am using has two year universities factored in and since they tend to cost less, it brings the average down.  A four year public university average was $12,108 for that same year.

Staying with the average cost for all public universities though and looking back at the data from the years 2000-2006, I calculated the average annual increase for this period to be 6.6%.  Applying that to the numbers available gives us an estimated average of $12,674 a year for the 2008-2009 school year.  That adds up to a $50,000 price tag for a four year education from a moderately priced public university.

FinAid.org reports the average student graduates with a student loan dept of right around $20,000.  Assuming repayment of that with a 6% interest rate over 10 years results in a monthly payment of $222.00.  Over the course of the loan, if it remains as is, $6,640 will be paid in interest.  The added interest of the school loan will bring the actual cost of the schooling to between $55,000-$60,000.

The rationale for spending the money for higher education.

An oft repeated mantra is that those who earn a college degree will make over a million dollars more in their lifetime than those who did not go to college.  This is often true, as the salaries for those aforementioned electricians, plumbers, carpenters tops out on average in the $40-$50,000 a year range while a lot of college graduates start out at that.

Also, it is likewise assumed that the investment in college will pay off due to the higher amounts of money that will be made in return.  The case can easily be made to support this argument as well.

Then why not go to college?

If you are not working in your 20’s and even into your 30’s because you are going to school plus you are accruing debt that will take a decade to pay off, the chances of investing or saving any money during this period is about null.  I realize the rationale behind a 20 year old being dedicated and forward thinking enough to start saving money at that age is flawed.  In the interest of the argument though, lets assume they will.  Someone working as a construction laborer averages about $30,000 a year, a realistic scenario for someone out of high school.  Even though it would be ten percent of their income, a high though possible amount, lets postulate that they put $250 a month, or $3000 a year into a Roth IRA.  Assuming a retirement age of 65, they would have amassed $1,268,238 by depositing $3000 a year for those 45 years.

Now let us assume the college graduate at age 30 is finally able to start saving.  Since they more than likely will have a higher income, we will say they can afford the maximum $5000 a year contribution in a Roth IRA with all the same variables in place.  At age 65, despite their higher contributions, they will have amassed $937, 903.  That is more than $300,000 less than the previous scenario of the non-college graduate!  If they would have been able to invest that $5000 a year in the IRA from ages 20-30 (a net investment of $50,000 or approximately the same amount that was spent on their university education) it would be a very different story: $2,103,091 at age 65.  Yes, that is well over a million dollars more.

What it amounts to is more knowledge equals more options.

That fun lesson of compounding interest aside, I again wish to reiterate that in our society and times I know it is a stretch to think that out of high school we could hope for any of us to be so financially savvy.  Perhaps if we would attempt to teach these options to our kids though, along with the lessons of living more conservatively that this down economy is bringing to us, we would see there are more options to succeed other than a college education alone.

If we would better publicize some of the other good jobs that are in demand and either require only a GED or some technical training: Healthcare Workers ($30-$60,000/year), Correctional Officers ($50-$70,000/year), Food and Beverage Director ($50,000/year), Construction Manager (over $100,000/year), along with the other blue collar trades we mentioned earlier, we might have a better rounded view on the situation.  Obviously good wages aren’t given out, they require hard work and moving up through the ranks to achieve.  If we had more focus on this aspect in high school, rather than feeling more schooling is the only way to success, more kids would go in the right direction and find what best suits them.

Some of us need the direction along with the freedom college provides to develop into productive adults, others do not.  Though I may not be directly using my education presently, I know it helped shape me in important ways and for that I don’t have regrets, other than not starting an IRA ten years earlier…